大師談心:完美主義與帕格尼尼

 

小提琴家基東·克雷默 Gidon Kremer —

我想我從我的家庭或我的父親身上學到的不僅是努力和紀律的定義,那些都很好,但不幸的是我也因感染上了完美主義而飽受折磨(克雷默父親與爺爺皆是小提琴家)。

一方面我理解音樂並不關乎完美,完美是不可能達到,而且只追求或渴望完美時,美會消失。如果你能忘記完美的荒谬 — 完美音準,完美樂句,完美風格的演奏,音樂便會擁有更多生命力、傳達的更好且更有影響力。但是同一時間我已經被完美主義感染,任何我沒做好的事情都會讓我非常難受。

我並不是個能說,「很好,剛剛是個不錯的演出,我們都享受了,一起去玩吧」的人。那是讓我難受到近乎瘋狂的程度,荒謬到我無法聆聽錄音裡的自己。因為大多數時候肯定會有什麼困擾我,那些瑕疵都只來自完美主義。

所以我與它是有衝突的。一方面我被力圖完美主義且深受影響,另一方面我厭惡完美主義這個主意,所以我是十分矛盾的。

I think that my father or in my family, I learned not only to work, not only what discipline is, and this is good, but unfortunately I was also infected by the virus of perfectionism which gives me a lot of suffering. Because one one hand I understand that music is not about perfect, perfect can’t be reached and beauty can disappear where only perfection is approached or desired for. Music is some kind of procedure that is much more alive and the communication through music can be much more powerful or effective, if you forget the non-sense of perfect - only perfect pitches, only perfect phrasings, only perfect stylish playing. But, at the same time Im infected by this, how should I say… by this virus of perfectionism and I am suffering badly about anything that I am not doing well.

I am not the one to say “okay, it was a nice performance, we enjoyed it, let's have fun.”. I am suffering from it, it drives me crazy to an extent that I actually can’t listen to myself in recording, because something, most of the time, something disturbs me and there are things that relate to perfectionism.

So I am in conflict with it, on one hand I am infected by this virus of perfectionism and I am striving for it. On the other hand, I just resented it as an idea, so I am in conflict.


影片片段來自紀錄片 「Gidon Kremer - Man of Many Music

 
Rayna ChouComment